Lies In Relationships

It is not fun to think about the lies people tell to those they love. But, at the same time, people tend to be curious about the topics which couples try to hide and conceal from each other. The following "list of lies" comes from a survey of dating and married couples who were asked to disclose the issues they try to keep hidden from their partners through lies, concealment, and deception.

Relational Issues

• Time Together - people lie about the reasons why they can't spend time together or see each other ("I am so busy, I have so much work to do, I don't have time right now")....

• Past Relationships - partners lie about their past level of involvement ("I never really loved her," "I am much closer to you," "I love you so much more than anyone else")...

• Feelings, Interest, Crushes, and Attraction to Others - people lie about their feelings and interest in others - often includes ex-partners, friends, someone at work...

• Secret Contact - lovers lie about their friendships, time spent with others, accidental encounters (running into ex), phone calls, e-mails, and text messages with others.  Essentially people lie about intimate, but non-sexual contact with someone else...

• Level of Commitment – people lie about their feelings for partner, uncertainty or doubts about the relationship - not sure really love or want to marry partner or stay together...

• Flirting with Others - people lie about flirting with others...

• Betraying Confidences - lovers lie to each other about keeping secrets confidential...
Hide Time with Others - people hide activities and time spent with others - usually friends or coworkers...

• Hide Time with Others - people hide activities and time spent with others - usually friends or coworkers...

Sexual Issues

• Sexual Fantasies – lovers conceal having sexual fantasies about others during sex.  Or thinking about sex with someone else - usually the fantasy involves a partner's friend, family member, or a co-worker...

• Masturbation - men, in particular, lying about masturbating or how often it happens.  Men also lie about fantasies during masturbation, using pornography...

• Sexual Enjoyment - people lie about how good sex with partner is ("You're the best," "That was great!")...

• Sexual History - lovers lie about the number of past partners, unsafe sex practices, what they have and have not done with others, their virginity, having an abortion, childhood abuse...

• Infidelity and Cheating - spouses lie about having sex with other people... sometimes it involves issues of paternity...

• Sexual Orientation - some people lie about same sex contact or interest...

Negative Thoughts

• Negative Feelings towards Partner’s Family/friends - people lie about liking other people who are important to a partner...
Negative Feelings about Partner’s Physical

• Appearance - lovers lie about liking their partner's appearance, hair, weight, age, clothes...

• Negative Feelings about Partner’s Career - people lie about liking or respecting their partner's job, school, career choices...

• Negative Feelings about Partner’s Behavior/character - lovers lie about liking their partner's kids, habits, personality, sense of humor...

• Hide Other's Negative Feelings about Partner - people lie about other people's true feelings towards a partner (i.e., my family/friends don't like you)...

Negative Behaviors

• Drug Use - lovers lie about past or current drug use...
Alcohol Consumption - partners lie about alcohol consumption...

• Smoking - people lie about smoking...

• Gambling - lovers lie about gambling...

Differences

• Hide Important Beliefs - lovers lie about true feelings on issues (i.e., politics, religion, pets) in order to get along with partner...

• Enjoyment of Activities - people lie about enjoying things a partner likes to do...

Financial Issues

• Resources - people lie about their income, resources, inheritance...

• Debt - lovers lie about their level of debit...

• Spending Habits - people lie about how they spend money...

Insecurities

• Physical Appearance/health - people lie. about age, weight, health...

• Jealously - lovers lie about being jealous and snooping...

• Career Performance - partners lie about how well work, school, career is going...

• Family and Friends - lovers lie to make family and friends seem better...

• Love and Emotions - people lie to their partners about feeling vulnerable, scared, and being overly emotional...